Back from Hibernation - As a Butterfly emerges

 

3^rd November 2023

Today is the perfect occasion to come out of my hibernation.

 

My (not so) little girl is off to her first overnight excursion – with her schoolmates.

 

The bags were packed (my not-so-valued opinion: a little over packed for a 2D/1N trip) with much animated expressions and non-stop chatter.

 

What a gamut of emotions she’s going through – excited, delighted, little anxious, but oh so very excited again.

 

And what a plethora of feelings for me!!

 

Excitement and Happiness

I feel I am more excited than her – I used to love going on school trips and treks. And am glad to feel the same excitement all over again.

 

I imagine a little butterfly, spreading out her magical wings, gradually gaining strength in her wings to go and explore the wonderful world. And what wonders this world holds!

 

Am I feeling Proud, too?

But of course!

That she chose to go. That she was sure she would manage herself well, although she is just coming out of weakness following some health downtime.

 

Am I Anxious?

Surprisingly not much!

Somehow in my heart I just know that she will manage herself well and will enjoy her experience.

 

Both daddy and mumma have thrown in a few words of advice – after all she’s out of their protective care for the first time. But again, we know, she will be just fine. If anything, she will become more self-sufficient.

 

Before getting into the bus we got a quick question “My little one will miss me, na?” (reference to her little sister)

A confident smile, a wave and then she joins her friends.

 

The bus left with the exuberant jabbering kids….. Yayyyyyyyy !!!

As we drove towards home. I just felt so so so happy for her.

[Ok, I also absorbed the sunrise – Shhhh !! Am not an early morning person you see.

And enjoyed breezing through the empty city roads!!]

 

As is the norm in the networked world, soon we received photo updates of them stopping for breakfast.

 

In the very first photo, I saw her, trying to pick up some food with due concentration. And a secret smile broke out.

No, it was not that she was serving herself some breakfast.

It was the image of her with hair all open (she had left with a neatly tied plait).

That’s my girl…. 

JUST LET YOUR HAIR DOWN AND ENJOY THE RIDE J

Chhai Chappa Chhai

A story from last week.

The dark grey skies open up.

Yet, the elder one is determined to go for her dance lessons.

So, I bundle up the baby…

(Oh yes, I haven’t really introduced the new addition to our family, right?

Soon enough, with her antics)

… and off we go through the thick curtain of water.

We can barely see the vehicle ahead of us. But my daughter’s determination seems to have rubbed off on the uncle at the wheel, too.

This is the first time this year that we are caught in really heavy rainfall (a brief, but heavy spell).

Destination reached.

Rain now falling as cold drops.

Baby is cosy and fast asleep. I gingerly transfer her to the nanny, asking her to wait in the car.

Very “cautiously” I step out of the car, only to sink into a huge muddy puddle (no, not feeling too happy about the muddy feet in the wet shoes).

I hoist the girl out of the car and over the puddle, balance the umbrella in the other hand and then for a few seconds wonder, which way to go!!

Muddy water was gushing down the slopes of the roads.

After a few moment’s recce, I decide on squeezing in between parked two wheelers, where the flow was little narrower.

I cross over smoothly and hold out my hand.

But woooooosh…. her feet slip into the running water as she attempts to cross the hurdle.

Did I just glimpse a broad smile on her face??

No time to think. Rain has started pelting down again.

I draw her below my umbrella and we plod up the lane.

Even as my nose shrivelled up at the feeling of mud (read: filth) clinging to my cold wet feet, my mind was multi-tasking:

Hope the baby is sleeping…

Ummm what was that dangerous sounding word.. “Leptospirosis”?…

If she starts wailing, how will the nanny contact me - she has forgotten her phone…

But can this dirty water cause any skin disease?....

Oh, why is the road seeming so long…

Oooh it’s mighty difficult to handle an umbrella against strong winds and hold onto a prancing child’s hand…

Aaaaah…. There I can see the gate of the building”

Alongside, the little shoes are making unfazed squishy squashy sounds.

And I have not really noticed the look on my daughter’s face, yet.

We reach her dance class… squelch up the many stairs and reach…

…an empty room.

Huh?! Why isn’t anybody here? And I thought we were late. Maybe others are delayed due to the downpour, too.

I call the dance teacher only to know that class has been cancelled today due to an emergency.

Ouch, that sounds bad.

But I am a bit flustered with the situation. If only I had known, I wouldn’t have displaced the baby from the comforts of the house. And right at this moment she might be yelping for a feed. And our feet are soaked in dirty water. And……

And so, my mind rattles on, as moodily I take my daughter’s hand and plonk down the steps. Lights not turned on makes it even more difficult to navigate the wet steps.

Finally, we are down at the gate again. The sky has held up within minutes!!

And just as suddenly, my mind turns around

My creased eyebrows even out as we reach the street.

Because the Daughter looks up with a glowing face and breaks into the most heart-melting smile…

“Ma, aren’t we having so much fun today? I have been waiting to use the blue spotted umbrella. And I have you free with me today. It’s such fun to jump in the muddy puddles. I feel like Peppa Pig.

Ma, we can pretend this is a river and we are crossing it. How about this being a mini waterfall?”

and she gazes with adoration at the gushing streams of water.

Her face is radiant. Her squeals, heart-warming.

Let’s just say the short walk up to the car turned into a nice leisurely stretch as we hopped into muddy puddles, the umbrella firmly held in my hand and the other hand firmly clasped by a delighted little elf.

Mind stopped multi-tasking. Instead these lyrics popped up without a warning:

"Chhai chhapa chhai chhapake chhai. Paaniyo mein chhinte udaati hui ladki" !!

As she likes to say nowadays, the “MORAL OF THE STORY” is:

Sometimes it’s just so much fun when a predictable routine breaks.

Sometimes it’s so lovely to enjoy life from an innocent child’s perspective.

Radha on the Dance Floor

A lazy weekend.

The building’s cultural committee announces Janmashtami celebrations on Monday.

Kids could go dressed as Krishna or Radha and even perform, if they chose to.

I casually inform my daughter that she could dress up as Krishna or Radha.

She proudly pipes up, “I am a girl. I am going to go as Radha”.

Ok. I quickly make a mental note of what she could wear and the topic is forgotten.

She gets busy playing with her friends.

Sunday dinner time

A firm voice declares, “I want to dance tomorrow. Please teach me something.”

Of course, I dismiss it as a random statement. I am already mentally winding up for the night and preparing for the week ahead.

And I haven’t even thought of any performance. In my mind, there is not enough time to prepare her.

Dinner over.

She walks up to me and says – “Is your kitchen work over? Please come and teach me. I want to dance tomorrow.” 

I stare at her – blankly.

But she is sure.

What follows: Frenzy for the mommy

Mommy quickly wrapping up work.

Mommy mind multi-tasking and thinking of an apt song.

Ahaaa…. Of course… the recent “Radha on the dance floor”

Dishes are clanging.

Ummm no… that song would be too un-Janmashtami.

Leftovers packed and put in the fridge.

Oh yesssss… the eternal classic - Madhuban mein Radhika.

Cleaning up the kitchen platform.

What steps can I teach a determined little girl so that she could perform tomorrow?

And all the while she waits patiently.

Daddy is helping her with her night dress.

Finally I say, “OK, come. I shall try teaching you a few steps.”

1.5 minutes – not a very big deal, I convince myself.

She picks up the steps with rapt attention, practices a few times and declares – am ready.

But is the mommy mind ready?

a)  The program is the very next evening. She has school in the morning. So there is really no more practice time.

b)  Come to think of it, this would be her first solo performance. Won’t she get stage fright? Oh well ok, be prepared, she might just refuse to dance when on stage.

c)  She also wants to carry a real matka!! What if she drops and breaks it??

d)  And she wants to wear a veil !! Oh God, too much pressure on my mind.

All this for a 1.5 minutes performance (would be termed blink and miss performance).

D-day (or rather, next day)

She wakes quickly from her post-school afternoon siesta.

Willingly and very co-operatively gets ready for the dance.

Last moment, (as if my worries aren’t already enough) she comes up with a suggestion –

“Ma, wont you paint my fingers and palms red?”

Ohhhhhh??!!

The little brain understands that the mommy brain is dysfunctional at the moment.

Proactively fishes out her red sketch pen and hands it to me with a victorious smile.

And I get to work quickly on those little palms and finger tips.

I take her to the performance zone and wonder “Will she really go up alone on stage?”

Her daddy returns just in time to catch her. He asks her if she is prepared.

A nonchalant shrug of shoulders indicates “Of course!!”

And Radha goes on the dance floor.

It is not “just” 1.5 minutes anymore.

It is then 90 seconds of pure fun that she has, 90 seconds of pure joy that daddy and I derive.

90 seconds that tell me – calm down.

It’s us adults who have so many worries in the mind.

These young ones are free of all such inhibitions and are hence, brimming with confidence and happiness.

They are more capable than we think.

And those precious 90 seconds later, a delighted smiling face comes off the stage.

Oh, and what do we have here? Unexpected little stinging in the mommy eyes.

A little bit of pride – for the little one had confidently taken to the stage.

And more of happiness – mommy has always cherished the Indian classical dances, especially Kathak. And to realize that the little one is developing a love for such dance is so very heartening.

So… Here’s hoping that my little Radha continues to take to the dance floor. 💃

A note for my Valentine

Oh God, I have never done this before – never expressed my love like this. So a little anxious, for sure.

You have truly made my life beautiful and this note really can’t express it all.

But on this day of romance, let me give it a shot - a note for you my Valentine.

Do you know what you have done for me? Made me smile a lot – and that’s good for my health, too, right?

Those few hours each day when you are away from home, and as I go around my chores, a simple thought of you brings about an inadvertent smile.

And I think of all the lovely stuff that you do - all our precious little moments and mementos - that would seem so trivial but that make such a huge difference to my life.

And the work at hand suddenly becomes so much easier.

And then as I browse my phone, I suddenly click on “Gallery” and a photo of yours looks at me.

I feel my heart melting and an affectionate smile forming on my lips.

I go to the fruits vendor – and I think of all the fruits that you love.

A faint controlled smile at the corner of my lips, as I think of how you relish strawberries, grapes and so on.

And in they go into my basket – the fruits of love.

And then as I take a quick comfort bite into a piece of dark chocolate, I just can’t stop thinking of you.

For you love dark chocolate, too.

An indulgent smile escapes.

When I finally meet you again at the end of your busy day, and you rush towards me with a smile and I get that huge hug, the heart does a crazy fluttering smiling number.

Ooops, and sometimes I find myself gushing about you to others.

A coy smile here.

I feel like this totally smitten girl.

When you ask me to sit down for a chat with you or to “discuss” some “important” stuff, I couldn’t be happier for the confidence you show in me.

And with a solemn face I sit down – but you can’t see the smile within.

Oh, and whenever you approve of my outfit, I feel like a happy little girl, all flushed and grinning. A huge smile here.

And I can’t resist looking at myself again & again in the mirror – to see what I got right.

I see myself, reordering my daily priorities, trying to better my mannerisms for you.

A racing heart tells me, then, how much I love you. And I smile.

Am down in the dumps and you come up with antics to cheer me up. I can’t help but smile.

And if you are not around, your face comes to mind, I feel warm within and smile.

The smiles erase the dumps and change them to hopes.

Whenever you are even slightly unwell, the heart goes into panic mode and anxiety sets in.

But a brave smile is there for you to see.

When the arm comes around me and a sleepy “I love you” is whispered at night, I smile to myself again and with complete contentment, I drift off to my dreamland.

And when I wake up in the morning and gaze at your face, the heart fills with so much love – that it energizes me to start my day with a smile again.

As years are quickly passing by, the love is only growing. 💖

I think of you my Valentine…. And my “favourite-est” songs play in my mind like a playlist on a loop:

I Don't Want to Miss a Thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing, Watch you smile while you are sleeping

……. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

How true this song is for you and me.

Bade Acchey Lagte Hain

I love it when you join in and look at me and say “Aur Tum”

Ke Prothom Kaachey Eshechi

Don’t know how much of the words you understand, but you always emphatically say “Aami” when the lyrics come as “Ke prothom bhalobeshechi …. Tumi na Aami”.

Baby, I absolutely agree – don’t know who fell in love first – you or me.

My sweet little Valentine – you have brought a new definition to my life.

All I can say is a simple “I Love You” but you would know how deep that runs. 💝💝

P.S.: Am sure if your daddy had time, he would write a similar post. The playlist might change, some of the little moments might change. But unanimously you are our “favourite-est” Valentine.

And remember, your smile is the cutest thing in the world for us – so keep smiling our little darling.

Happy Halloween

Our daughter’s first tryst with Halloween.

No, she has absolutely no idea what Halloween means.

She likes the sound of this new word – so meticulously adds it to her growing vocabulary list.

Yes, she likes the thought that she gets to meet her friends for a party.

She has always liked the sound of the word “party” – it is firmly established in her vocabulary list.

Her dictionary would define this as “a buzzword implying a much-loved, much looked forward to, generating much excitement [read: sleepless/ less sleep nights for the parents] event”.

Excitement!! Excitement !!

So for today, let’s just name her EHK (the Excited Halloween Kid).

Excitement was such that there was no fuss in waking up for school. Because it meant, party as soon as school got over for the day.

Excitement was such that she had an interesting conversation with the lady who helps around the house.

Scenario:

Lady has completed her work, leaving the house, hand on the door knob.

EHK pipes up “Halloween Halloween… Party… Happy Halloween” and waves a cheerful Bye.

The lady answers with a broad smile: “Yes, I am also wearing blue like you”

EHK looks at me – a disappointed look.

I swiftly change the topic and the mood.

Dressing Up

Well talking of moods, let’s look at this conversation snippet as I get her ready for the evening:

Me: So aunty has kept a theme and you are to wear black pants & T-shirt. Yayyyy !!

EHK: Nope, I am NOT going to go in all black. I will wear a skirt today.

Me: But you want to wear “full pants” on other days.

EHK: Today I want to wear a skirt. (A grumpy look is setting in – precursor to a meltdown)

Me: (Trying one more time) See, but all your friends would be dressed as witches.

EHK: (Shriiiieeeeeek… was that her or the wind that has been howling today??!!) I AM NOT A WITCH.

Me: (Damage control mode) No no, you are not a witch. You are just pretending to be one. You know like you play “Pretend Pretend”

EHK: I am NOT a witch. I will NOT be a witch. I will be a Fairy with wings and wand.

Me: Well, the theme is black. Fairies usually don’t wear black.

EHK: [Well-controlled sobs] Doesn’t matter mumma, fairy can wear black, too. And see I will have red wings.

Now, who can argue with that?

My confidence in my convincing power is diminishing as some tears make their appearance, the pout forms and the clock is ominously ticking away.

Me: [Seriously the last attempt] Ummm, maybe another time? Today, a witch?

EHK: Silence and a betrayed plus accusing look which kids have surely mastered.  

A mini meltdown is surely on its way. But the seasoned professional [read: mommy] in me suddenly took over. After all, I needed to get to the party, too.

Me: Well Ok, you can be a fairy with a black top and your colourful skirt. And you get to wear your red wings and carry the wand.

Well, my mommy wand sure did the magic – tears, pout, grumpiness, defiance – all vanished at once.

EHK: Babbling away. Uncontrollably happy. Incoherent. Doesn’t matter.

The delighted whoops and the Fairy smile were worth relenting to her wish.

The Party

And there she was squealing in delight, running around with her friends, jumping, dancing – her happy wings bobbing up and down.

And she stuck to her stance even at the party!! She just would not wear the cute red horns like her friends readily did. She had decided – she is NOT a witch, and she would not budge.

Fair point. Accepted.

She relished the food – not letting go of her wings and wand.

She went from house to house with her friends and wouldn’t come back till she got some goodies.

And with her wings bouncing, one hand firmly holding her wand, she would run back to me, the other little palm full of toffees or chocolate, so that I could safely keep it in her “bag”.

Not that she has those toffees. But the whole new thing that she experienced, the entire fun of enjoying with friends – that simple joy made her so happy. And made me so happy too.

And the After-Party

She squealed in delight as we opened her goodie bags.

She gushed about the evening as she narrated little stories to her daddy.

And she gushed about it in her mind as we tried to put the over-charged little Fairy to sleep.

Aaah, but before she finally drifted into her dream world (where I am sure she has been re-enjoying her Halloween party), she drowsily asked me. “Ma, what does Trick or Treat mean?”

That’s a tricky question little Fairy – will treat you to the answer tomorrow.

Happy Halloween !!