Back from Hibernation - As a Butterfly emerges

 

3^rd November 2023

Today is the perfect occasion to come out of my hibernation.

 

My (not so) little girl is off to her first overnight excursion – with her schoolmates.

 

The bags were packed (my not-so-valued opinion: a little over packed for a 2D/1N trip) with much animated expressions and non-stop chatter.

 

What a gamut of emotions she’s going through – excited, delighted, little anxious, but oh so very excited again.

 

And what a plethora of feelings for me!!

 

Excitement and Happiness

I feel I am more excited than her – I used to love going on school trips and treks. And am glad to feel the same excitement all over again.

 

I imagine a little butterfly, spreading out her magical wings, gradually gaining strength in her wings to go and explore the wonderful world. And what wonders this world holds!

 

Am I feeling Proud, too?

But of course!

That she chose to go. That she was sure she would manage herself well, although she is just coming out of weakness following some health downtime.

 

Am I Anxious?

Surprisingly not much!

Somehow in my heart I just know that she will manage herself well and will enjoy her experience.

 

Both daddy and mumma have thrown in a few words of advice – after all she’s out of their protective care for the first time. But again, we know, she will be just fine. If anything, she will become more self-sufficient.

 

Before getting into the bus we got a quick question “My little one will miss me, na?” (reference to her little sister)

A confident smile, a wave and then she joins her friends.

 

The bus left with the exuberant jabbering kids….. Yayyyyyyyy !!!

As we drove towards home. I just felt so so so happy for her.

[Ok, I also absorbed the sunrise – Shhhh !! Am not an early morning person you see.

And enjoyed breezing through the empty city roads!!]

 

As is the norm in the networked world, soon we received photo updates of them stopping for breakfast.

 

In the very first photo, I saw her, trying to pick up some food with due concentration. And a secret smile broke out.

No, it was not that she was serving herself some breakfast.

It was the image of her with hair all open (she had left with a neatly tied plait).

That’s my girl…. 

JUST LET YOUR HAIR DOWN AND ENJOY THE RIDE J

Locked, Unlocked

In the world of today, the title itself is quite indicative about the subject of this post.

Gentle Disclaimer: Before I proceed, I know the world is going through a massive turmoil. And this is just a simple post, about a simple woman and how a not so simple virus impacted her simple daily life when the world was forced into Lockdown. A cathartic experience to pen this down and to talk about the lessons and learnings it Unlocked for me.

So, the “Unlockdown” phase has started in the country. And with that my crashed laptop is back, unlocked with a new hard disk drive. I can write again. (I absolutely abhor writing on a small mobile device.)

A quick look at how things went:-

• Celebrating landmark 1^st birthday of Little Ms. A – ✔✔
• Celebrating (visiting) brother’s landmark birthday – ✔✔
• Celebrating 6^th b'day (+farewell to buddies) of Bigger Ms. A  – ✔✔
• All set to move to another city (and school for the elder one) – ✔✔
• Lockdown announced – ✔✔
• Existing plans of the family - ✖✖, all of a sudden

First up, the two little women and their mommy had to get used to the Daddy being around the house -- Was this for real… 24x7, All days of Every week??!!

The man, himself, would initially move around with a dazed look, as colleagues got substituted by three women of different sizes and serious discussions on video calls got interspersed with whoops and giggles and clattering of toys and banging of pots and pans. 🤣

[Psst…. He’s still not adjusted to WFH, though he now relishes the giggles that accompany his breaks]

Let’s move on to the 10 Lessons that were Unlocked for me even as I remain Locked up.

#1: Human proposes, Virus disposes

My grandmother’s favourite idiom kept replaying in my mind, as I went about my newfound chores – “Man proposes, God disposes”. Just that it got replaced by the heading I have written above.

I had totally envisioned what the next few weeks were to be like, with Bigger Ms. A starting a new school in a new city, we setting up a new house… blah blah blah.

What I was doing instead was scrambling for groceries + trying to cope with housework + handling the toddler + managing the questions of a kid who’s suddenly stuck at home + keeping the two girls entertained and engaged +

(long sentence alert) all the while getting amused at the wonder on the face of the ever-traveling husband, who experienced more of this house and the kids in this lockdown, than he ever has in the past few years that we have been here (snigger, snigger) +++…… 😉

#2: All that glitters is not Gold, but definitely your golden hard work

I re-learnt the art of sweeping and mopping, early in the morning, before the two girls awoke.

And what did I realize – that the house has never sparkled so much in the past!!

Validation came from a childhood friend (that’s what friends are for), from a far-off continent, on a video call, who commented on the spotless white floors that she could spot (pun intended) behind me. Never had I imagined my heart would sing with joy at such commendation… !!! 😜

#3: When your back is to the wall, you have to do it all – even what you have always disliked

Of course I am allowed to dislike certain chores

Back in my youth (and that’s seeming quite a long time ago), I used to rock the dance floor. Now I rock the bathroom floor. 

The lockdown ensured that I get to do my “beloved” task of cleaning the bathroom on a regular basis, under the hawk-like surveillance of the ultra-finicky Bigger Ms. A. 

Recognition came from the satisfied smile on her face and more so when I saw her trying to emulate me. 😇

#4: No one is born a great Cook, one learns by Doing

I have always defined myself as a reluctant cook who produces edible stuff. It’s a different story altogether that Bigger Ms. A considers me as one of her favourite cooks.

Lockdown graduated me to someone who is a necessary cook (albeit sometimes reluctant) who can produce pretty fancy stuff, too. And hey, even manage all the four burners of the hob at one go… Applause!!

And may I also add with pride, Baking became a piece of cake – so much so that a whole post should be dedicated to it.

On a serious note, mistakes helped me to gradually shed my fear of experimenting with seemingly tough recipes and embrace cooking. 😃

#5: Variety is the spice of life

Continuing the above point, this of course includes my fancy chapatis.

It must be so boring for my mom to dish out perfectly round, same-sized, super soft chapatis every day.

Her worthy (not) daughter can produce chapatis in various shapes and sizes (Reasoning: If kids can have multi-shaped pasta, why not chapatis).

Also, my chapatis can sometimes pass off as khakra, sometimes as papad, sometimes as chapatis and sometimes a combo of all. Isn’t variety more fun? 😜

#6: Record Setter

I have started bettering my personal records.

Previous bathing time of 5 mins 20 seconds is now further reduced to 3 minutes 02 seconds. It’s often accompanied by a rap song that goes like “Mumma.. Knock knock.. (louder) Mumma.. Knock knock.. (Shrieking) Mumma Mumma.. Waaaaaaah”.

I can also go a (personal) record 7 hours at a stretch without sitting down even for a few seconds. Yippeee..

The body weight and shape remain stubborn though, preferring bulging over budging. 😏

#7: Slow and steady wins the race

Earlier I had an obnoxious record of devouring books by the hour. Now… pause… at least one sentence… pause… is completed… pause… in a day!!! Applause again…

On some days, the book even has to be satisfied just by displaying its enticing cover to me. 😭

#8: A New (Multi-tasking) Sport

Again, back in my youth (read it in a tone of lament), my favourite spot/ sport used to be perching on a comfortable seating, reading books, accompanied by some warm beverage.

I have had to adopt a new favourite spot/ sport – the anterior of the kitchen sink, trying to sparkle as many vessels as possible (we had so many!!), often accompanied by the warm beverage on the kitchen platform, as a test of multi-tasking…

…and quite often balancing a toddler weaving her path through my legs and a multi-question asking inquisitive child.

Bigger Ms. A along with her Daddy even composed a song with actions in my honour – please note, it did nothing to assuage my temper. 😒

#9: Back to School

And while on multi-tasking, it’s no mean task to juggle household chores with a child’s new medium of learning (read: virtual), that too when she’s just starting “big” school.

Helping her understand the importance of assignments and helping her execute them gave me the Back to School feeling (the one feeling about school that I could do without at this moment, with limited resources available). 😵

#10: When it rains, look for the rainbow

Ending the post with another favourite quote from my grandmother.

Well, it has been raining some days and we have actually seen rainbows, too.

The silver lining in this new world is the abundant family time we are getting. The kids and I absolutely love and cherish having Daddy around. We did stuff that we never had but surely could have done pre-virus, too.

For instance, encouraged by a cousin, we had a balcony picnic and needless to say, the kids were thrilled.

Video calls with friends helped us re-connect regularly. And we definitely could have done this earlier, too. Well, as the saying goes, better late than never. 💖

Q.E.D:

I have learnt a lot about my capabilities and the art of tackling certain adverse situations.         

So I keep my chin up (will help with the developing double chin) and wait for this crisis to tide over. 

Chhai Chappa Chhai

A story from last week.

The dark grey skies open up.

Yet, the elder one is determined to go for her dance lessons.

So, I bundle up the baby…

(Oh yes, I haven’t really introduced the new addition to our family, right?

Soon enough, with her antics)

… and off we go through the thick curtain of water.

We can barely see the vehicle ahead of us. But my daughter’s determination seems to have rubbed off on the uncle at the wheel, too.

This is the first time this year that we are caught in really heavy rainfall (a brief, but heavy spell).

Destination reached.

Rain now falling as cold drops.

Baby is cosy and fast asleep. I gingerly transfer her to the nanny, asking her to wait in the car.

Very “cautiously” I step out of the car, only to sink into a huge muddy puddle (no, not feeling too happy about the muddy feet in the wet shoes).

I hoist the girl out of the car and over the puddle, balance the umbrella in the other hand and then for a few seconds wonder, which way to go!!

Muddy water was gushing down the slopes of the roads.

After a few moment’s recce, I decide on squeezing in between parked two wheelers, where the flow was little narrower.

I cross over smoothly and hold out my hand.

But woooooosh…. her feet slip into the running water as she attempts to cross the hurdle.

Did I just glimpse a broad smile on her face??

No time to think. Rain has started pelting down again.

I draw her below my umbrella and we plod up the lane.

Even as my nose shrivelled up at the feeling of mud (read: filth) clinging to my cold wet feet, my mind was multi-tasking:

Hope the baby is sleeping…

Ummm what was that dangerous sounding word.. “Leptospirosis”?…

If she starts wailing, how will the nanny contact me - she has forgotten her phone…

But can this dirty water cause any skin disease?....

Oh, why is the road seeming so long…

Oooh it’s mighty difficult to handle an umbrella against strong winds and hold onto a prancing child’s hand…

Aaaaah…. There I can see the gate of the building”

Alongside, the little shoes are making unfazed squishy squashy sounds.

And I have not really noticed the look on my daughter’s face, yet.

We reach her dance class… squelch up the many stairs and reach…

…an empty room.

Huh?! Why isn’t anybody here? And I thought we were late. Maybe others are delayed due to the downpour, too.

I call the dance teacher only to know that class has been cancelled today due to an emergency.

Ouch, that sounds bad.

But I am a bit flustered with the situation. If only I had known, I wouldn’t have displaced the baby from the comforts of the house. And right at this moment she might be yelping for a feed. And our feet are soaked in dirty water. And……

And so, my mind rattles on, as moodily I take my daughter’s hand and plonk down the steps. Lights not turned on makes it even more difficult to navigate the wet steps.

Finally, we are down at the gate again. The sky has held up within minutes!!

And just as suddenly, my mind turns around

My creased eyebrows even out as we reach the street.

Because the Daughter looks up with a glowing face and breaks into the most heart-melting smile…

“Ma, aren’t we having so much fun today? I have been waiting to use the blue spotted umbrella. And I have you free with me today. It’s such fun to jump in the muddy puddles. I feel like Peppa Pig.

Ma, we can pretend this is a river and we are crossing it. How about this being a mini waterfall?”

and she gazes with adoration at the gushing streams of water.

Her face is radiant. Her squeals, heart-warming.

Let’s just say the short walk up to the car turned into a nice leisurely stretch as we hopped into muddy puddles, the umbrella firmly held in my hand and the other hand firmly clasped by a delighted little elf.

Mind stopped multi-tasking. Instead these lyrics popped up without a warning:

"Chhai chhapa chhai chhapake chhai. Paaniyo mein chhinte udaati hui ladki" !!

As she likes to say nowadays, the “MORAL OF THE STORY” is:

Sometimes it’s just so much fun when a predictable routine breaks.

Sometimes it’s so lovely to enjoy life from an innocent child’s perspective.

Radha on the Dance Floor

A lazy weekend.

The building’s cultural committee announces Janmashtami celebrations on Monday.

Kids could go dressed as Krishna or Radha and even perform, if they chose to.

I casually inform my daughter that she could dress up as Krishna or Radha.

She proudly pipes up, “I am a girl. I am going to go as Radha”.

Ok. I quickly make a mental note of what she could wear and the topic is forgotten.

She gets busy playing with her friends.

Sunday dinner time

A firm voice declares, “I want to dance tomorrow. Please teach me something.”

Of course, I dismiss it as a random statement. I am already mentally winding up for the night and preparing for the week ahead.

And I haven’t even thought of any performance. In my mind, there is not enough time to prepare her.

Dinner over.

She walks up to me and says – “Is your kitchen work over? Please come and teach me. I want to dance tomorrow.” 

I stare at her – blankly.

But she is sure.

What follows: Frenzy for the mommy

Mommy quickly wrapping up work.

Mommy mind multi-tasking and thinking of an apt song.

Ahaaa…. Of course… the recent “Radha on the dance floor”

Dishes are clanging.

Ummm no… that song would be too un-Janmashtami.

Leftovers packed and put in the fridge.

Oh yesssss… the eternal classic - Madhuban mein Radhika.

Cleaning up the kitchen platform.

What steps can I teach a determined little girl so that she could perform tomorrow?

And all the while she waits patiently.

Daddy is helping her with her night dress.

Finally I say, “OK, come. I shall try teaching you a few steps.”

1.5 minutes – not a very big deal, I convince myself.

She picks up the steps with rapt attention, practices a few times and declares – am ready.

But is the mommy mind ready?

a)  The program is the very next evening. She has school in the morning. So there is really no more practice time.

b)  Come to think of it, this would be her first solo performance. Won’t she get stage fright? Oh well ok, be prepared, she might just refuse to dance when on stage.

c)  She also wants to carry a real matka!! What if she drops and breaks it??

d)  And she wants to wear a veil !! Oh God, too much pressure on my mind.

All this for a 1.5 minutes performance (would be termed blink and miss performance).

D-day (or rather, next day)

She wakes quickly from her post-school afternoon siesta.

Willingly and very co-operatively gets ready for the dance.

Last moment, (as if my worries aren’t already enough) she comes up with a suggestion –

“Ma, wont you paint my fingers and palms red?”

Ohhhhhh??!!

The little brain understands that the mommy brain is dysfunctional at the moment.

Proactively fishes out her red sketch pen and hands it to me with a victorious smile.

And I get to work quickly on those little palms and finger tips.

I take her to the performance zone and wonder “Will she really go up alone on stage?”

Her daddy returns just in time to catch her. He asks her if she is prepared.

A nonchalant shrug of shoulders indicates “Of course!!”

And Radha goes on the dance floor.

It is not “just” 1.5 minutes anymore.

It is then 90 seconds of pure fun that she has, 90 seconds of pure joy that daddy and I derive.

90 seconds that tell me – calm down.

It’s us adults who have so many worries in the mind.

These young ones are free of all such inhibitions and are hence, brimming with confidence and happiness.

They are more capable than we think.

And those precious 90 seconds later, a delighted smiling face comes off the stage.

Oh, and what do we have here? Unexpected little stinging in the mommy eyes.

A little bit of pride – for the little one had confidently taken to the stage.

And more of happiness – mommy has always cherished the Indian classical dances, especially Kathak. And to realize that the little one is developing a love for such dance is so very heartening.

So… Here’s hoping that my little Radha continues to take to the dance floor. 💃

A note for my Valentine

Oh God, I have never done this before – never expressed my love like this. So a little anxious, for sure.

You have truly made my life beautiful and this note really can’t express it all.

But on this day of romance, let me give it a shot - a note for you my Valentine.

Do you know what you have done for me? Made me smile a lot – and that’s good for my health, too, right?

Those few hours each day when you are away from home, and as I go around my chores, a simple thought of you brings about an inadvertent smile.

And I think of all the lovely stuff that you do - all our precious little moments and mementos - that would seem so trivial but that make such a huge difference to my life.

And the work at hand suddenly becomes so much easier.

And then as I browse my phone, I suddenly click on “Gallery” and a photo of yours looks at me.

I feel my heart melting and an affectionate smile forming on my lips.

I go to the fruits vendor – and I think of all the fruits that you love.

A faint controlled smile at the corner of my lips, as I think of how you relish strawberries, grapes and so on.

And in they go into my basket – the fruits of love.

And then as I take a quick comfort bite into a piece of dark chocolate, I just can’t stop thinking of you.

For you love dark chocolate, too.

An indulgent smile escapes.

When I finally meet you again at the end of your busy day, and you rush towards me with a smile and I get that huge hug, the heart does a crazy fluttering smiling number.

Ooops, and sometimes I find myself gushing about you to others.

A coy smile here.

I feel like this totally smitten girl.

When you ask me to sit down for a chat with you or to “discuss” some “important” stuff, I couldn’t be happier for the confidence you show in me.

And with a solemn face I sit down – but you can’t see the smile within.

Oh, and whenever you approve of my outfit, I feel like a happy little girl, all flushed and grinning. A huge smile here.

And I can’t resist looking at myself again & again in the mirror – to see what I got right.

I see myself, reordering my daily priorities, trying to better my mannerisms for you.

A racing heart tells me, then, how much I love you. And I smile.

Am down in the dumps and you come up with antics to cheer me up. I can’t help but smile.

And if you are not around, your face comes to mind, I feel warm within and smile.

The smiles erase the dumps and change them to hopes.

Whenever you are even slightly unwell, the heart goes into panic mode and anxiety sets in.

But a brave smile is there for you to see.

When the arm comes around me and a sleepy “I love you” is whispered at night, I smile to myself again and with complete contentment, I drift off to my dreamland.

And when I wake up in the morning and gaze at your face, the heart fills with so much love – that it energizes me to start my day with a smile again.

As years are quickly passing by, the love is only growing. 💖

I think of you my Valentine…. And my “favourite-est” songs play in my mind like a playlist on a loop:

I Don't Want to Miss a Thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing, Watch you smile while you are sleeping

……. Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

How true this song is for you and me.

Bade Acchey Lagte Hain

I love it when you join in and look at me and say “Aur Tum”

Ke Prothom Kaachey Eshechi

Don’t know how much of the words you understand, but you always emphatically say “Aami” when the lyrics come as “Ke prothom bhalobeshechi …. Tumi na Aami”.

Baby, I absolutely agree – don’t know who fell in love first – you or me.

My sweet little Valentine – you have brought a new definition to my life.

All I can say is a simple “I Love You” but you would know how deep that runs. 💝💝

P.S.: Am sure if your daddy had time, he would write a similar post. The playlist might change, some of the little moments might change. But unanimously you are our “favourite-est” Valentine.

And remember, your smile is the cutest thing in the world for us – so keep smiling our little darling.